Calling All Bats
by polysgirl
Summary: For lack of a better title. Stephanie's gets an unexpected phone call...rqfic challenge, AGAIN!


**Challenge #: January (My One Phone Call)**  
**Author: Lindsay (polysgirl)**  
**Title: Calling all Bats! (well, I couldn't think of a good title.)**  
**Rating: K+**

**Spoilers/Warnings: through TS **

**Because I was so inspired...**

I was wrapped in a blanket on my couch, drowning my sorrows in Ben & Jerry's, Corona, and Ghostbusters. My phone was still ringing off the hook, but I wasn't answering it. I would have unplugged it from the wall, but that would have meant moving the desk to get to the plugin...and I wanted to make sure I could grab it if someone important...like...say...Johnny Depp...called.

I took another long pull from the Corona bottle before stuffing a large spoonful of iced cream in my mouth. Ben and Jerry would have to do. I was pretty sure that after the night before, I had sworn off real men forever. First I had gotten shot working with Ranger, and he'd grinned and told me it was a 'scratch.' That was the SECOND time he's said that to me. I'm wearing a bandage! It's not a scratch! Then, after he dropped me at Joe's place, Joe started in about my job, my working with Ranger, my not-so-working relationship with Ranger (I had to agree, a relationship with Ranger was not working, not that we were trying for one. But our working-relationship was just fine, thankyouverymuch), and once again he started with the ultimatums.

I was sore, tired, bleeding (well, ok, it wasn't bleeding anymore but still...) and my Italian temper got the best of me.

Needless to say, Joe and I were no longer an item. I was pretty pissed, and Joe was pretty pissed, and I think that maybe I'd rather we STAY no longer an item.

And Ranger, well, he doesn't do relationships, so he can go hang himself for all I care.

Ben and Jerry were just gonna have to do. But hey, at least it means I get to have a threesome.

It was 11:30 at night and the phone had finally - FINALLY - quit ringing. My mother had left countless messages - I erased them all. Mary Lou, Lula, and Connie had all called once. An hour. And Vinnie called to say that he didn't care if I'd been shot, my ass better show itself at the office tomorrow! I figured I should drive down there, stick my ass in the window, and drive home. Even Grandma called to tell me that now I could "get with that hot Ranger with the incredible package." Yeah. Right. He was probably going to call Morelli to talk him into fixing things with me, just to make sure he doesn't have to worry about it.

I don't think anyone hadn't called. Except maybe Ranger. Even my current psycho-stalking skip called twice. Pretty sure that's what those hangups were.

And Ranger, well, Ranger would be avoiding me, no doubt. He didn't like me single. Single Stephanie means he might actually have to commit to something if he wants to kiss me.

They can all disappear, for all I care. I got Ben and Jerry and the threesome of a lifetime. The kind that doesn't talk back, unless you count their ability to magically double a waistline.

And after the last message on my answering machine, well...a triple waistline sounded like fun.

So when my phone rang AGAIN, I swore and contemplated ripping it out of the wall. Instead, I let the machine pick up.

"Babe? Shit. I need your help. If you're there, pick up." Yeah, so the man knows me. I sighed and grabbed the phone, iced cream tub balanced in the crook of my elbow, a big spoonful ready to go to my mouth.

"You got me shot yesterday. You can't possibly expect me to go sit surveillance with you again tonight."

"No, this is personal."

"Ha! Sorry Batman, I'm not doing personal anymore." And I hung up.

The answering machine, however, kept talking. Muttering, actually. I don't think I've ever heard Ranger mutter. "Christ. My one phone call, and it's her fault I have to make it, and she hangs up on me."

My fault?! I snatched the phone back up, and the tub of iced cream fell to the floor. "MY FAULT?! What the hell do you mean MY fault? And what one phone call? Are you in-?"

"Yeah. I am." He said, his voice monotonous. "If you don't care to help me, then phone Tank." And he hung up.

Well geez. Probably I should just leave him there. But I didn't quite trust he wouldn't ship me to a third world country. And I was mad at him, I didn't want him mad at me. Maybe I could leave him there until morning. No. I could call Tank and go to bed. No, because I really wanted to know what he did, how he managed to get himself arrested.

I mean, this is Batman we're talking about. All the cops, except Gaspick, turn a blind eye to his movements. Hell, even when Picky tries to nail him, someone bails him out.

Oh man. I hope he hasn't killed anyone.

I grabbed my keys and my purse and fished my gun out of my cookie jar. Just in case I needed it.

000

"Hey Steph." Carl Costanza grinned at me from the bookings desk as I walked into the station. "Ranger?"

"Yeah." I said. Carl turned around and paged, then turned back to me and grinned.

"Morelli's gonna be pissed."

"Morelli doesn't have to know." I pointed out. "And even if he does, and is, I really don't care."

"Guess it's true." Big Dog elbowed his partner. "Fork over."

I held out my hand, and raised an eyebrow. "Consider it a contribution towards Ranger's bond." Big Dog sighed and dumped Carl's hundred bucks in my hand as the doors behind the booking desk swung open and Morelli led Ranger through, cuffed, shoving him roughly along ahead of him.

"Uh Oh." Big Dog said under his breath. At the same time, Morelli spotted me.

"You called HER?" The cuffs rattled as Morelli jerked on his arms. Then Morelli looked towards me. "Yeah. Explain to me how come he called YOU. And then look me in the eye and tell me you're not his whore."

I reeled backwards as Morelli's words hit me full force in the face. Even more so was the shock. I had never expected him to react like that towards me - it wasn't like Morelli to be like THAT.

Ranger wrenched himself out of Morelli's grasp and spun, stalking backwards at him, lethal and sure. "Did I not warn you what would happen if you disrespected Stephanie again?" He asked, his voice soft and void of expression. Big Dog grabbed him by the cuffs and pulled him back. He unlocked them, and then shoved Ranger towards me.

"Go with Stephanie. We'll take care of Morelli."

Ranger moved my way.

"Bond?" I asked. We'd probably have to get Vinnie out here.

"No Bond. We'll deal with Morelli and it'll all get dropped. Just a misunderstanding." Carl said, as they blocked Morelli's ability to approach either of us. I thought that maybe they were protecting me as much as Ranger. I stood rooted to the floor as I tried to process everything, until Ranger tugged me off balance. I jerked my arm out of his hand and stalked to the door. I was still pissed at him too.

"Thanks Babe." He said as he got into the car. I had already claimed the driver seat. I was driving. And I was going to drive him to a short pier of he didn't watch himself.

"What the hell was the point in getting into a pissing contest with Morelli, anyhow?" I finally demanded.

"He was having the pissing contest. Not me." He informed me.

"Right. And that's how you wound up arrested." I really, really was fed up with the men in my life. We were silent the rest of the way to Haywood. I parked in the garage and beeped my doors unlocked. Ranger didn't get out. "You can go now." I told him.

Instead, he just sat there. I contemplated stunning him and dumping his ass in the parking lot, but I didn't have my stun gun with me. It was at home, charging.

"He disrespected you." Ranger finally said, his voice flat. "I told him that if he did it again he wouldn't like the consequences. He arrested me. Threat of bodily harm."

I blew out a breath. "What did he say?"

"I'm not telling you. You don't need to know."

I wanted to argue, but my mind was jumping back to the police station. I turned to look at him. He was watching me, and he had his blank mask firmly in place. "I'm not a whore." I told him.

"He's just pissed, Babe. He thinks he's lost you for good, this time, and he's lashing at you."

"He has." I shrugged. "I want to go home." It was a hint for Ranger to get OUT of my car, so I could leave. Normally I'd threaten to drive away with him if he didn't get out, but then he'd be at my apartment too, and that would just ruin my threesome with Ben and Jerry. In fact, I think I needed to pick up another pint at the seven-eleven on the way home, and have a five-some.

"Has what?"

"Lost me." I was about to restate my desire to go home when I thought of something. "What the hell were you doing talking to Morelli to begin with? Trying to convince him to fix things with me, so you didn't need to worry about actually having to commit?" Now I was lashing out. But dammit, I hurt and both of these men were the reason why.

He didn't answer a while. I was just about to threaten him out of the car at gunpoint when he spoke again. "No."

"That's it? No?"

"You need to get over Morelli. Then we'll talk about us."

"There's an us?"

"Always has been, Babe. Otherwise I'd still be sitting in a cell." he flashed me a quick grin, then sobered. "How's the arm?"

"Just a scratch." I told him, repeating his words. He raised an eyebrow. "It's alright." I said.

Ranger opened the door. Yes. Finally we were getting somewhere. Ben and Jerry, here I come! Then, with one leg out of the car, he stopped and looked back at me. "My grandmother left a cake this afternoon." This was Ranger speak for _Why don't you come up for cake?_

"It's late." I told him.

"I have a big bed." He pointed out. I thought about that for a minute. Cake. Ranger's sheets. Bulgari. Hm...

"Homemade?" I asked. Ranger answered with a single incline of his head in the affirmative. Ben and Jerry can't compete with Bulgari and homemade cake. "Okay." I shut the car off, and got out. "I am sleeping on the couch though, right?"

"I don't care where you sleep." Ranger told me, crooking an arm around my neck and kissing my temple. He placed another kiss just below my ear, then murmurred into it. "But fondle me while I'm sleeping and you'll really enjoy the consequences."

"I've NEVER fondled you!"

"Babe."


End file.
